Few GCs were called by our
Platoon Comd Maj Tariq Tareen (May his soul rest in peace. Ameen)
after the PT period. He bullshitted us and gave us a long sermon and at
the end of the sermon he shouted and said you better Pull up your Bloody
Socks. One of our platoon mates who retired as a COLONEL (full Charlie)
not realizing what the Pl Comd has said bent down and pulled up his right
sock and to our horror his upper sock went up almost to his knee as lower
half of the torn sock had given way. Because of the fear of the Pl Comd we
could not even smile. Scaringly we looked at the Pl Comd who gave a hearty
laugh. We all just smiled hiding our dirty teeth. (Only pers having good
sense of humour will laugh those having sense of hammer will hit the
hammer). Our Pl mate got the taste of Pl Comd Medicine in shape of 14 days
Restrictions
An officer from 55 PMA was
detailed as an interpreter with the president of a foreign country. He
was standing along with the president at an after dinner speech. The
president before the speech narrated a joke. It was all Greek to our
friend but he knew this much that the president had cracked a joke. He
played clever and announced Ladies and Gentlemen the Honourable Mr President
has cracked a joke you all are requested to laugh your heart out. There
was a burst of laughter followed by tumultous applause. The President was
damn impressed by our friend interpreter.
(shared by the hearty Rizwan Rashid)
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Humour in Uniform
(Shared by Coursemates) |
| Jokes
Shared by Zafar Iqbal Durrani |
| One of our
coursemate while doing mortar training, while adjusting the fire, could
not get it right. after multiple tries he realized that the ground is
not level. to adjust for the small de-leveling space, placed his fingers
there, finding it leveled, FIRED!!! and lost his fingers. Many of us
know who?? don't ask me the name. the person himself still enjoys by
remembering it. |
|
During an exercise while we were part of a
fighting petrol. it was a pitched dark night and I happened to be the
pacer and third from the front. Rest ten were behind me. From between
small hills we appeared at a flat ground and suddenly it occurred to be
and I jumped as if crossing an opening in the ground and to mine and
others enjoyment, three of the colleagues jumped when reached the same
spot. the fourth stopped and started feeling for the opening with his
extended foot and all behind him stopped. Realizing what has happened,
everybody gave a big laugh. |
While in
PMA, I was caught by one of the uppers from Qasim company while I was
passing in front of their building during the evening. It was freezing
cold winters. He made me remove all my clothes, made me stand on the 3
feet snow which has freshly fallen in my underwear. the funny man put
snow in my underwear, placed a block of snow on my head, and balls of
snow in my arm pits and let me there the whole night. Allah knows how
GCs survive.
Next day I decided a revenge. as it was a Sunday therefore, I waited for
the gentlemen to go for dinner. I entered his room which was on the
second floor, locked it from inside, locked the windows also from the
inside less one and came out from the fire escape. But before that I did
not forget to empty his shaving cream tube into his socks which were
lying ready for the morning uniform, on the toe portions as well as the
spare socks. filled his drill boots with his tooth paste, replaced the
blade in his shaving razor with an old one, removed all the buttons of
the fly of his uniform pants lying ready for the morning fall-in and
threw all his underwear on the outside terrace.
There came the upper, finds the room locked from the inside. yelled for
the person inside to open up or ..... having no answer, went to the side
room and tried from there. it was locked. with quite a struggle for two
hours he could not enter. at around passed midnight a wise coursemate of
his told him to try the windows. he went outside with many of his course
mates, noticed the small opening of the window, brought the ladder from
the fire fighting point nearby, climbed and entered his room and slept.
As he was always the last to joint the morning fall-in being difficult
to get up in the morning, got up hurriedly, dashed for the razor to
shave, the razor couldn't work, cuts his face from many places, search
for his under wears, finds none, hurriedly puts his pants and finds the
fly open and no spare pants ironed to wear, abusing pulls his socks and
Pichaak, finds creams all over his feet, threw them
pulls the spare ones and Pichaak, no other option,
still abusing but this time with the top of his voice and puts his feet
in the shoes......... you can well imagine his fate, late from the
fall-in, late from the drill rehearsals and furious. hay hay hay, I
still enjoy the sight of him.
I kept enjoying his sight at the GC room doing punishment for seven
days. |
|
While part of a recce patrol, I was moving
with the team. A sudden sound of thud came and the leader disappeared
with a cry. the person in front warned me to be careful as there was a
ditch in front and jumped. thud, crash, noises and abuses as he also
disappeared. thinking that all ahead were stupid, I went back, took a
running start to clear the ditch with a big jump. I landed on the person
who was hurriedly trying to clear the way. It was a nullah with a width
of at least 30 yards. |
| Once I was
caught by the seniors again in front of the Qasim block. It was night
and the full moon was shining and it was freezing cold and snow all
over. they made me jump into the water pond outside in the lawn. The
water was frozen in a glass sheet and it broke open when I jumped in
purposely with a splash. All four of them got wet and started abusing me
with Nastalique. now they the ordered me to have a dip. I made them
struggle for it and then dipped. I being the colored holder swimmer and
especially in underwater swimming went and sat at the bottom holding my
breath for two reasons. one that it was comfortably warm their as
compared to the outside and secondly to scare them. After a while I
could hear their concern voices" OYEI MAR GAYA< AB HAMARA KIA BANAY GHA<
ZALEEL ADMEE TAYREE WAJAH SAY HAMARA BHEE COMMISSION GAYA etc" then one
of them decided to bring the dead body out. I could see them clearly in
the background of the shining moon, one was about to come in and rest
standing in a circle on the edge of the pond, I suddenly pushed out with
full force of my feet. All of them were soaked to the nails. Seeing me
standing outside, they had a sigh of relief, joined my laughs and became
my very good friends. not to mention that they gave me a good
refreshment from the CAFE. Those good PMA traditions. |
|
In the middle of Ex Zarb-e
Momin, while we were advancing, I saw one of our(blue land) SP guns
coming along with Captain and a Subedar standing on the outer body of
the moving vehicle quite stylishly. By some incorrect map
reading/navigational error, we banged head on to fox land defenses at
around 11 a.m. They were very nicely camouflaged and we could not see
them till we were almost 50 yards. Hats off to the fire control of the
deployed infantry local commander that at that moment the entire platoon
came out of their trenches and charged towards us shouting Allah ho
Akbar. Mind you we were the Armour brigades’ front elements. To our
utter amusement and surprise, on the look of the charging Infantry, the
crew of the Artillery gun was horrified and the vehicle made a pivot
turn and rushed back. Whenever I remember that I still laugh and cannot
forget the face expressions of the Stylish Captain and the Subedar
standing on the gun. |
|
(
This was narrated to me by one
of the company commanders of my Bn ). He was an Afridi and a
Major.
One day I developed pressure in my
stomach while the CO has called me to brief about a job. The briefing
was going on and on and the pressure was also mounting. I could not
listen to a word of CO as my full concentration was on saving my "izzat".
The moment beefing was over I rush towards the Jon. I hurriedly lowered
my pants and sat on the English commode and haaa….! A sigh of relief.
When I came to senesces, I realized that I did not hear the sound of
normal GROOOPED! I looked down and realized that in the hurry I forgot
to lower my underwear and …………… Ha Ha. |
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Humour in Uniform ( From
around the World ) |
|
A DIG and a Commandant of the Armed Police were
relaxing on the lounge of the mess. The conversation turned towards their
orderlies a short while later. Each one claimed that his orderly was a fool.
The two decided to compare. The commandant called for his orderly and said,
"Ram Singh here is a ten rupees note go and purchase an Ambassador car from
the market right now and bring it here. "Right Sir", said the orderly. He
took the note from the officer saluated and went back. Then the DIG called
his orderly and told him, "Prem Singh, go to my office and see whether I'm
sitting there or not. "Right Sir", the orderly said and went back. The two
officers had a hearty laugh not realising that the orderlies were talking
outside. Ram Singh was saying, "Prem Singh, look at my stupid boss he
doesn't even know that the market is closed today and the car cannot be
bought". "And look at my boss Ram Singh, he wants me to go and see whether
he is in his office or not. Why can't he ring up and find out. I've never
seen such a lazy officer in my life". |
|
One of my husband's duties as a novice drill
instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess
hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and
told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get
up!" Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is
the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates
yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!" |
|
The cavalryman was galloping down the road,
rushing to catch up with his regiment. Suddenly his horse stumbled and
pitched him to the ground. Lying in the dirt with a broken leg, terrified of
the approaching enemy, the soldier called out: "All you saints in heaven,
help me get up on my horse!" Then, with superhuman effort, he leaped onto
the horse's back and fell off the other side. Once again on the ground, he
called to the heavens: "All right, just half of you this time!" |
This is the actual radio conversation of a US
naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in
October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations,
10-10-95.
CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a
collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid
a collision.
CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the
south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR
course.
CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship
in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three
Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you
change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees
north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this
ship.
CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call. |
A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes
about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW
hall. "My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a
drummer boy at Shiloh." "Mine," boasts another, "went down with Custer at
the Battle of Little Big Horn." "I'm the only soldier in my family,"
confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today
he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his
friends wanted to know.
"Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old." |
|
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving
oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say,
"That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the
general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The
psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his
discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's
it." |
General Baldwin had barely arrived in the
forward area when a sniper's bullet removed a button from his shirt. He
threw himself to the ground in terror. The men stood around with the
greatest unconcern. The general yelled at a passing sergeant. "Hey, isn't
somebody going to kill that damned sniper?" The sergeant looked down at the
general and replied:
"I guess not, general. We're scared that if we kill him the enemy will
replace him with somebody who really knows how to shoot." |
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Laughter is the best
Medicine ( Other Jokes ) |
Two Pushtoon Couples (Pushtoon as oppossed to
Pukhtoon, since the former is from my area and the latter from else where
and I do not want to offend anyone), decided to exchange partners. After an
amazing 3 hours of intimate sex, Mukhmud Khan said to his partner,'Lets see
how the girls are doing."
(
Shared by Tariq
Khan ) |
|
An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac
somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken. He examines it, and
reveals that a technician must be called. But the chief has only $4, and no
credit card (unfortunately B-) ). So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and
signals his tribe with its smoke: "Hey, send somebody to my location with
$500!" The tribe accepts this signal, but to make sure in its meaning,
signals back - once again, with the smoke:
"OK, chief, but why so much ?"
At this moment a ground test of nuclear bomb is being held on the test field
nearby. A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky... The tribe
signals:
"Ok, Ok, chief, we just wondered, why to be so angry?" |
A priest walked into a barber shop in
Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be.
The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord." The next
morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank
you note from the priest in front of the door.
Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked
how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the
community." The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts
and a thank you note from the police officer.
Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how
much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the
country." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12
Senators in front of the door (
Could be true in our case - don't you think so? ). |
|
A lady calls the police to report her husband is
missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6
foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody
love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report
and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot
4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The
neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false
report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I
wanted him back!" |
- When a man opens the door of his car for
his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
- They say that when a man holds a woman's
hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
- A classified ad which read "Wife Wanted"
received hundreds of responses, all from men saying "You can have mine."
- A gentleman is one who never swears at his
wife while ladies are present.
- A man needs a mistress, just to break the
monogamy.
- A son asked his father, "Daddy, how much
does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son. I'm still
paying for it."
- Confucius say man who sink into woman's
arms soon have arms in woman's sink.
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A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a
speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's
window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was
knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver,
"Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!" |
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Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a
helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry
them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all
going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman
made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of
the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her
husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in
return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping
their hands. |
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Though stay in PMA was physically
and mentally laborious, it had many lighter moments as well - specially in the
first term when many of us didn't understand the English correctly or were too
simple to express themselves when confronting a bearer or an orderly. Sometimes
even things came from the platoon commanders that sounded funny and made us
smile even when in distress. This section is to recall those lighter moments
with each other since at this age of our lives these small anecdotes of our
innocent days is our prized treasure as long as we live.